I know this might be tough to hear because you have helped me and my ancestors survive allsorts of treacherous environments, and I love you for that, but this is an important step that I need to take.
This may be confusing as I have relied on you for as long as I can remember, thinking that you were helping me to be more productive and focused. But what I am learning is this isn’t really true, when I thought you were helping me get through my busy day, you were really keeping me from being healthy. In fact, over time, all you have done is make me more anxious.
So, from today, I’m going to commit to making more space for myself, which means I am actually going to learn how to get more discerning about listening to you and what you think is a threat to me.
I am also going to learn how I can stop feeding you needless worries. There is nothing that upsets me more than seeing how much you thrive when I slip into an endless cycle of rehashing the same concerns, going over the same conversations, reliving the same painful events. This process leaves me trapped, leaves me exhausted, leaves me sleepless and does absolutely nothing to help me find solutions.
I know that you are not going to take this very well. I know you are going to continue to show me all the times that you think I need you. I know you will stalk me when I am running late or at work, or in traffic, I am sure you will show up and gloat when I am not sure of what to do next. But when this happens, I am going to be armed with and prepared to employ a whole bunch of tools I have learned. Not only will I remind myself to breathe throughout the day, but I am learning how to breathe consciously. Any time I feel you start to creep up, I will come back to the present moment like I have learned and, like it or not, if I keep doing this, you are going to have to back down.
So stress, while our relationship has been something we have both contributed to, I recognise now that it is no longer healthy, and whether you like it or not I am going to learn to get a much better handle on you.
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